Being a lesbian naturally seems to come with a variety of awkward questions, conversations and not so subtle hints. From the offers of threesomes to the you’re such a waste as a lesbian… There are many, many things we’d much prefer to simply roll our eyes at and block out from the world. Please, no more.
So here are Sauce’s 21 Things Lesbians Are Fed Up Of Hearing…
1. Have You Ever Had Sex With A Guy?
Right, let’s get this straight. Many lesbians have had their fair share of experiences with guys. But that ship sailed a long time ago.
2. But How Do You Know…
And how do you know you’re not? Huh?
3. Lesbian Sex Isn’t REAL Sex Though, Is It?
Ask your sister, she seemed pretty satisfied with it.
4. I Would Never Have Guessed You Were A Lesbian. You Look So Straight!
Shit, did I forget to ride my unicorn to work this morning? And where has my rainbow gone? Fu** it.
5. Why Can’t I Find A Guy Like You?
I already realised I was in the friend zone, don’t try rub salt in this non existent wound my dear.
6. What Did Your Parents Say When You Came Out?
Well after they threw me a coming out of Narnia party and we put the world to rights, they were over the moon of course. Have you not seen their t shirts with my gay little face on?
7. I Wish I Was Gay Sometimes.
Wait? I’m only gay sometimes?
If we weren’t gay before, you’ve definitely put the nail in the coffin my friend.
9. Oh You Can Get Married Now!
Wait, we needed your permission? THANK YOU, YOU KIND IGNORANT HUMAN.
10. It’s Just A Phase.
How about I put that chair in your face?
11. How Does Scissoring Work?
I am not prepared to give a demonstration here.
12. I Think I Know Someone Gay, I’ll Introduce You.
How foolish to think that there is a lesbian somewhere else in the world that we don’t know. I better get her number immediately, she’s been missing out on our lesbian gatherings.
13. So, Do You Have A Strap On?
Yeah I’m wearing it right now actually, can’t you see it?
14. Don’t You Want Kids?
I’m afraid your stupidity isn’t quite registering with me, please come back another time, or never, that’s fine too.
15. What Put You Off Men?
Well, this guy looked at me once as I sneezed and he didn’t say ‘bless you’, so yeah, I’ve been cursed ever since.
16. I Think I’d Go Gay For Ruby Rose.
Spare me your lesbian fantasy. I’m sure there’s another bandwagon waiting for you to jump on due any minute now.
17. I Kissed A Girl Once.
Holy fu**, let me take a seat to hear this fascinating tale. Again, slower, with more detail.
18. I Kiss My Friends On Nights Out, Does That Make Me Gay?
SO GAY, duh. Go tell your parents immediately, and report back.
19. *Female Friend* … Do You Fancy Me?
Do you fancy every guy in the world ever? No? Well then.
20. Why Do Lesbians Date Lesbians That Look Like Boys?
If your boyfriend had long hair would I ask you why you date men that look like women? No, I wouldn’t. Because I’m not a moron.
21. Which One Is The Boy In The Relationship?
We are L.E.S.B.I.A.N.S. Two girls. No guy. Neither of us, sunshine.
An Unknown Sauce
Not So Unknown // @TheSukiSays