Being gay should really come with an instruction manual, with an entire section dedicated to answering those questions we all dread…
We understand that everyone is a little curious sometimes, but there is definitely a time and a place to show your interest in the gay community. For starters, dinner parties, work dos and any type of family occasion are usually giant no-nos when it comes to asking those hush hush questions. Whether it’s ‘when did you know?’ or ‘when did you come out?’ the list of simply ridiculous things straight people say to gay people is endless. But if you’re going to ask a question, let’s not beat around the bush about it.
We’ve rounded up some of the most annoying (and stupid) things straight people say that really make us want to bang our heads on the closest wall…
How do you have sex?
Don’t try and tell us you’ve never watched lesbian porn, we’re not stupid.
Have you ever had sex with a guy?
Often asked by sleazy men in bars, lesbians are tired of being asked this. Especially when this question is followed up by a ‘well, if you ever want to see what it’s like…’ Er, no thank you. Oh look, there’s some paint over there I’d rather watch dry than discuss this with you.
How are you gay? You look so straight!
Thank you for that. I didn’t realise I needed a rainbow flag around my neck to highlight my sexuality.
So, er, which one is the man?
So, er, yeah, we’re lesbians. We like WOMEN.
How did you come out?
When did you tell your family you were straight?
Oh my god, I know someone that’s gay… You two would be great together.
Would you say you’re butch or femme?
Why are you trying to shove me in a box?
Are you a ‘top’ or a ‘bottom’?
I’m afraid you’ve hit a whole new stupidity level. Please try again.
What will you do if you want kids?
I think someone needs to have a look on Google my friend, there are ways.
Who will wear the wedding dress if you get married?
Just because you’ve asked that, we’re going to get married in PJs.
But if you’ve had girlfriends/boyfriends, how do you know you’re gay?
Tried and tested, let’s leave it at that, shall we?
Why are some gay men so camp?
Some men are more feminine than others, some are more masculine. Men don’t have to be gay to be camp, dearest.
OMG can you be my GAY BEST FRIEND? *squeals*
But if lesbians use a strap on, surely you just want d*ck?