Welcome to Sex With An Unknown Sauce, aka SWAUS.
Whether brief or a tale that’ll take hours to tell, we love to hear your sexual escapades… Got a sex story to share? Tweet us @SauceMagUK and express your interest, and we’ll help take care of the rest.
Basically when me and Lauren* had been together about four months we had some quite rough drunk sex. Halfway through I felt an excruiciating pain in my dick, like something had popped. I figured it was the infamous ‘banjo string’, but when I turned the light on there was no blood or anything. My dick just looked really swollen. As I was hammered I just went to sleep and hoped it’d go away. Woke up in the morning and it looked like an inflatable beacon of redness. It was all deformed and wrong. Ended up going to a sex clinic (in Brighton) and dropping my pants infront of a female doctor. She couldn’t really understand what it was so she invited a couple of other female doctors in. just to confirm there were now three random females who i’d never met now staring at my penis as I sat there with my jeans around my ankles. They still couldn’t explain exactly what was wrong, so they admitted me to A&E over the road. After waiting an age I was finally seen by a male doctor, who proceeded to inject me in the penis 8 (EIGHT) times before rolling the foreskin back over the tip of my bellend. Just as he was doing this a young female nurse walked in with a glass of water. She literally laughed. Not only had I just been injected eight times (I hate needles) but I had been humiliated by four separate women. I was sent on my merry way and booked in for an operation a few weeks later. Having had the op I wasn’t able to leave the house for two weeks and had to wear what can only be described as a nappy. I also had a bandage around my cock. All in all this forgettable night of passion led to about two months of pain, humiliation and nappy-wearing hell.
Unbelievably we’re still together.
Moral of the story: Don’t have rough cowgirl sex after 11 pints. Life will never be the same.
– Sex With An Unknown (Male) Sauce –