Welcome to Sex With An Unknown Sauce, aka SWAUS.
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When I was in my first year at uni I had this massive crush on this girl that shared some of my lectures. She was gorgeous, she had long dark hair and these electric blue eyes that made me go all stuttery if she even looked in my direction. So you can imagine my excitement when she started talking to me one day after a particularly boring lecture, and eventually asked if I could help her on the subject as I said I understood it quite well. So we met up a couple of times to do work, and ended up chatting the majority of the time, about nothing in particular really. A few weeks later she invited me over to hers, whereas every other time we’d been at mine, so I was a little worried about meeting her housemates… Thankfully they all seemed friendly enough! We went up to her room, her student house was massive, and she just turned round and kissed me, full on, when I least expected it. She caught me a little off guard, but I just went with it. We started messing around, and before I knew it I was kissing my way down her stomach, but as I got closer and closer to going down on her all I could smell was this disgusting stench of fish. Yeah, fishy fanny and all that, blah blah, but this was like the entire fishmonger had set up in her knickers. It was so off-putting, I couldn’t bare going down on her, and had to settle with a bit of finger banging instead. I couldn’t even wash the smell off my fingers for the next day or so, it was gross.
Now, you might think I’m super grim for going back there, but she was so hot I thought it might have just been a one off thing or something… Thankfully the next time it wasn’t AS bad… But I still couldn’t bring myself to go down on her, and the thought of the fishmonger smell was enough for me to not even contemplate it, but the sex was amazing.
Thank god for the smell of condoms is all I’ll say…
– Sex With An Unknown (Male) Sauce –