Biggest Bollocks for 2016

The Biggest Bollocks For 2016.

It’s three days to Christmas and I’m sat eating Toblerone for lunch, running over 2015’s antics and experiences in my head. A lot has changed since the start of the year and hopefully a lot will continue to, for the better. But what about those New Year’s resolutions for 2016? Do we still do that? When Christmas is over, we all quickly jump to the new year upon us, hoping to be ‘better’ people, eat less shit and be more motivated in getting what we want in life. Hell, we might even join the gym. We won’t go, but the option will be there.

But when you’re nursing a thumping hangover on New Year’s day, the last thing you’re thinking of is your ‘new’ you for the next 364 days. So, my friends, here are the biggest lies we tell ourselves as we get ready for 2016…

I’m going to eat healthy, no more Pot Noodles and Chinese takeaways twice a week.

Firstly, putting a bit of cucumber in your sandwich does nothing whatsoever. There is nothing there, apart from a bit of crunch. Sorry to break it to you. And Pot Noodle? Well, as long as it’s the green one, we all know that tradition will continue. But when it comes to ordering Chinese, we might, just might, cut it down to twice every two weeks instead… Woah, steady on.

‘Next year is going to be MY year’

We say this over and over again. 2014 was my year, so was 2015, but of course, I was wrong, and 2016 is really where it is at.

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I’m going to find myself a boyfriend/girlfriend in 2016.

The odds are, you won’t. Or you’ll find an utter psycho. So, maybe just wait until you meet someone when you least expect it, like your Mum always tells you.

I don’t even need to write them down, I know my resolutions.

Come on, you can’t even remember what you had for breakfast.

I’m not going to watch Netflix constantly, I’m going to study hard and do more work.

Yeah right, Netflix is life. And OITNB is back soon, so don’t lie.

I’m going to read more.

I’m not quite sure that your Facebook news feed counts.

 

 

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